Insecurities

July 10, 2013 7:47 pm

A blog is, more often than not, the writer’s world seen through rose-coloured glasses. We filter out the mundane, boring, and depressing… nobody wants to see a blemish or hear about my fourth parking ticket in a month!

As a freelance (and basically self- taught) videographer/ photographer, graphic designer and blogger I have days where I’m absolutely wracked with doubt in my skills, my appearance and my entire life in general. The other day I was the subject of a beauty shoot with amazing makeup, hair, and lights, and I felt so far from myself. All these talented, beautiful people around me and you would think it was the first facial expression I had to form in my entire life.
Deer in headlights. Mission SMIZE not-accomplished!

I went home and buried my head in the proverbial sand, then decided I had no choice but to follow these words of sage wisdom:

“Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick,
and pull yourself together” – Liz Taylor

Maybe I’m not the heavy makeup, bright lights kind of gal, and maybe I’m okay with that. I decided to do another shoot, alone in my studio after a 15 hour day, with no makeup on, no Photoshop. I’m taking off the rose-coloured glasses for a moment, because life isn’t all champagne and flowers, but it is beautiful.

xox Alana

 

16 Comments

  • Joanna Vandervlugt

    Hi Alana. It’s nice to know that someone else gets parking tickets. I have 2 on desk at work. As a personal trainer I find that women are so SO hard on themselves. I am just as guilty. I would never have thought that a fashionable beautiful girl like you would feel insecure at times. How we see ourselves is not how the world sees us. You are a gem and shine in so many ways. Joanna :)

    Reply
    • Alba Betancourt

      Agreed, Joanna! Sometimes it feels as though no matter how amazing we are to others, we will never be enough to ourselves.

      Reply
      • Alana

        I think this is a problem that plagues most women. Hopefully we can all surround ourselves with people who help us to recognize our amazingness!

        Reply
    • Alana

      You’re so sweet Joanna, I’m glad I cleared up the idea that I don’t have insecurities. In some backwards way, taking a photo of myself feels like I’m taking the power back from the outside world. Vain, maybe. Freeing, absolutely!
      Be easy on yourself too, because you’re fabulous!
      xo Alana

      Reply
  • Alba Betancourt

    I’m with you! Feeling so vulnerable scares me often; I just went through a time like those and I must say it is good to let go off our need of perfection every now and then! Love your blog !

    Reply
    • Alana

      Thanks Alba! I guess we all feel like that once in a while, but I think that’s okay :)
      Thanks for stopping by and leaving a message! xox Alana

      Reply
  • Jill Lansky

    Great post love!! I totally agree and it is so inspiring to hear it from someone else!

    Reply
    • Alana

      Thanks so much Jill, although you’re totally gorgeous I’m sure you can relate to the “in front of the camera” woes. Shall we both go practice in front of a mirror? hah xo Alana

      Reply
  • Marilla

    Beautiful! – and couldn’t agree more! As a photographer, it is so difficult to be vulnerable in front of the camera.

    Reply
    • Alana

      Thanks Marilla! Each time I have to go in front of the camera, I appreciate models more and more! It’s not just being pretty or having the right makeup, it’s really about knowing how to transform your body, face and expressions. The amazing models I’ve worked with have gone through training and practiced over and over, it’s skill! xo Alana

      Reply
  • Marianne

    Word. We all have insecurities about our talents. Sometimes I get self conscious even sharing my own blog posts with friends – maybe they’ll think it’s silly or mundane or just dumb. It can be hard to self promote so much!

    FYI – I think you have talent. I may even need to enlist your services for some graphic design one day :)

    Reply
    • Lauren

      Read this at the moment I needed it most. Wise words, Alana! :)

      Reply
    • Alana

      Word. I totally feel the same way, I just hit publish and freakin hope for the best! Thanks for the vote of confidence lady! Miss you!!!
      xo Alana

      Reply
  • isabella at ella photography

    thanks for writing this. great blog you have here. love it! :)

    Reply
    • Alana

      Thanks Isabella, It’s so great to hear from all my ladies on this one. Thanks for stopping by! xo Alana

      Reply

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